More often than not, the signs are there to help you tell what kind of person you’re dealing with and how they’ll likely behave or respond to certain events in the future. I believe this discovery of a person’s tendencies, likes, dislikes, habits, values and general behavior is more effective when they have their guard down. You need the person to be himself or herself as much as possible.
So I paid attention while Kingsley and I were out with our group of friends, while we were at Church, while we were at my home and at his home, I deduced and I inferred. By the way, I started my scrutiny even before he asked me out.
I paid attention to how he related with his friends in general and the values of the ones he was closest to because he would most likely be like them. You know, birds of a feather….
I watched him worship. Was it superficial or heartfelt? Was he malleable in the hands of his Creator? This was important to me because it would determine whether I would have to spend a lot of energy engaging him to act or make a change in certain scenarios or I could just leave the matter to God and know it would be sorted.
I once read that in later years, men tend to treat their wives the way they treat their mother and sisters so I observed how he interacted with his. I also watched how he related with my family members; they would eventually become his in-laws. I desired that a battle line would never be drawn between them with me having to take sides. I wanted both of us to feel at home whether we were with his family or with mine.
One day, while waiting for our friend to meet up with us after Church, a couple we knew asked us to help them watch their kids as they had to attend a meeting. Fantastic opportunity for me. He picked up the little one who was sleepy and we both managed to keep the other two happily engaged till their parents returned. Nice. I wouldn’t have to do it all by myself then… and years later, he is all the father our kids need and such a great support through the whole process of raising them.
Now I know some people are masters at pretending and I hear some are so good that they could keep up appearances for a long time. So above all, in my dealings with people, I keep in mind the good advice given to a king several years ago – Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your path.