‘Love is blind, but marriage opens the eye’. That’s what my Social Studies teacher once said. He said many other things but this one has remained with me since. So from my teenage years, I told myself ‘my love must wear glasses’.
I knew this special ‘love glasses’ could not be prescribed by an optometrist so I came up with my own strategy for improving my sight in preparation for love’s arrival. What better way? INFORMATION! I read every good book I could find on relationships – Boy meets Girl, Finding the Love of your Life, and so on. I was better able to tell what attributes were good and needful and able to identify red flags. I was armed and ready for battle. Yes oh – it’s a serious battle for peace of mind and happiness in your future.
I wasn’t going to numb my brain just because some guy who was tall, dark and handsome said ‘hello’ to me. In fact, I didn’t want ‘dark’ because I couldn’t imagine giving birth to a dark baby. I wanted ‘a shade darker than my complexion’. Oh yes. I had my list; everything was written out clearly in my journal. I took time to define what I wanted before the time came to choose so that there would be no confusion there, and as I grew older and wiser, I revised that list. Things like ‘must have side burns’ were replaced by things like ‘must have the same or similar values’.
You know it is written ‘He that finds a wife finds a good thing…’ but that doesn’t mean the woman will blindly follow anyone who finds her. I kept my brain actively engaged. I learnt that there was no such thing as ‘Mr. Perfect’. You just have to know all the pros and cons, and then evaluate the cons to see if you can live with them for the rest of your life and still be cool. That helped in my decision making. I believe you see this requires careful study of the ‘subject’ or ‘prospect’. It’s actually some kind of science project.
Sometimes people rush into marriage for one reason or the other even when they have strong reservations. They fail to realize that they will probably have a long time to live with that person. I don’t agree with the idea of ‘managing’ a spouse. I mean, it’s not just about you. It’s about your children; that is if you plan to have them. Do you want your children to be like this person or have this person as a parent? Have you also thought about how this spouse will affect your plans and aspirations… or do you just plan to ship out when the going gets tough? They say time goes by quickly when you’re having fun. Imagine how it’ll be when you’re not.
Everybody says knowledge is power and we spend time empowering ourselves to have a successful career and so on… but people often neglect preparing for love. And that is serious because it can land you in a situation where you wake up sometime after the wedding, and according to my husband, you’ll find yourself wondering what you really did when you said ‘I DO’.
Don’t let your love be blind.
Picture Credit: http://www.specsavers.co.uk/glasses/mens-glasses?ban_main=10659
Pingback: Wife Finding Skills – Anietie Bature's Blog