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Husband Material 3 – Watch!

Don’t ignore the signs

More often than not, the signs are there to help you tell what kind of person you’re dealing with. In fact, if you pay attention, you can predict how they’ll likely respond to certain events in the future. I believe this discovery of a person’s tendencies, likes, dislikes, habits, values and general behavior is more effective when they have their guard down. You need the person to be himself or herself as much as possible.

Conscious of this fact, I paid attention to Kingsley. I watched him while we were out with our group of friends and while we were at Church. He was still in focus while we were at my home or at his home. I deduced and I inferred. By the way, I started my scrutiny even before he asked me out.

I paid attention to how he related with his friends and the values of the ones he was closest to. My assumption was that he would most likely be like them. You know, birds of a feather….

I watched him worship. Was it superficial or heartfelt? Was he malleable in the hands of his Creator? This, to me, indicated whether I would have to spend a lot of energy engaging him to act or make a change or I could just leave the matter to God and know it would be sorted.

How do they treat family?

I once read that in later years, men tend to treat their wives the way they treat their mother and sisters so I observed how he interacted with his. I also watched how he related with my family members; they would eventually become his in-laws. I desired that a battle line would never be drawn between them with me having to take sides. I wanted both of us to feel at home whether we were with his family or with mine.

Can they help you in those important areas?

One day at Church, a couple we knew asked us to help them watch their kids as they had to attend a meeting. This was a fantastic opportunity for me to observe him around kids. He picked up the little one who was sleepy and we both managed to keep the other two happily engaged till their parents returned. ‘Excellent!’ I thought.  I wouldn’t have to do it all by myself then. Now, years later, he’s such an amazing father. The kids just love him and he’s such a great partner through the whole process of raising them.

Ask for divine help

It’s true that some people are masters at pretending and I hear some are so good that they could keep up appearances for a long time. So above all, in my dealings with people, I keep in mind the good advice given to a king several years ago – Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your path.


Husband material 2 – Intelligence 


Another item on my list was intelligence because I wanted to be completely understood by my spouse. For this reason, one of my goals was to ensure, before saying ‘Yes’ to a prospect, that we weren’t too far apart on the intelligence scale. For me, tall, dark and handsome wasn’t enough so I was on the lookout for brain matter. I believed there had to be more than just good looks to make a relationship work.

Avoid Shame in the Future

I had heard about a few embarrassing accounts that happened because of huge IQ gaps between couples and I didn’t want to experience such. If we were out with friends or colleagues, I wanted to be confident that he wouldn’t say anything to make me want to hide under a table in shame. I also wanted an excellent other perspective to issues I would deliberate and decide to share with my spouse.

Listen to Wise Counsel

A friend from school told me about an older man she was going out with. Her dad had warned her about this intelligence matter but she didn’t pay any attention until the day she heard something unpleasant and went to confront him about it. As she expressed herself, she said she wanted to hear from the horse’s mouth. ‘Are you calling me a horse?’ He blurted out in response. LOL. That marked the beginning of the end of that relationship.

Don’t Miss Out on Fact Finding Opportunities

In our circle of friends, we had a number of those discussions on burning issues and we were always on opposing sides. That gave me a chance to experience a different side of him. Critical reasoning, methodical evaluation, systematic analysis of the subject matter were easy for him, and it was simply beautiful. So I concluded that submission wouldn’t be such a problem since I would be giving in to a superior argument or a sensible alternative.

What Are the Indicators?

One time he shared his semester results with me and I couldn’t help but be please at his excellent performance. He checked out here as well. Great stuff! Husband material!

Husband material – 1


One beautiful evening, I sat by my window and discussed with all the people who came to see me. It was my birthday and as expected, I had several guests. I typically hosted my female friends inside my hostel but guys were not allowed because of the religious beliefs in that part of the country. As a result, a young lady sitting at the corner of the room and talking to someone on the other side of the window wasn’t a strange sight at all. It was part of the process in testing if your prospect was ‘husband material’.

Three People

I hoped a few people would come by. In fact, I hoped three people in particular would come by before the day ended. Thankfully, they all did and one of them was a young man named Kingsley. He was a good friend and we had really interesting conversations. He had the usual very wide smile on his face and a mischievous glint in his eyes that night. We chatted for a while then he said he had to rush off and just wanted to deliver a gift someone asked him to give me.

A Gift

I wished he could stay a little longer but I didn’t have the ‘right’ to ask him to. We were just friends and I didn’t want to say anything that would give away the way I really felt about him. He had to be the one to take the lead in this matter – that was my resolve. After he left, I settled down, opened the gift and found that there were several layers of wrapping paper with a hand written note after each one. I wondered who the gift was from and eventually a letter ‘y’ on the fifth note gave him away. It was from Kingsley after all; he had tried to change his writing to keep me in suspense till I got to the last note.

Pure Genius

Beneath the last wrap, I found a final note and a devotional for women. It was old. That made me wonder. He later explained that he really wanted to get me a gift, but he was broke. So he went to a bookstore in town and bought the book for a price he could afford. It wasn’t expensive but he had succeeded in turning it into an unforgettable gift. I thought to myself – this is someone you could live happily with in times when you have plenty and in times when you don’t have so much. Husband material!

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