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Husband Material 3 – Watch!

Don’t ignore the signs

More often than not, the signs are there to help you tell what kind of person you’re dealing with. In fact, if you pay attention, you can predict how they’ll likely respond to certain events in the future. I believe this discovery of a person’s tendencies, likes, dislikes, habits, values and general behavior is more effective when they have their guard down. You need the person to be himself or herself as much as possible.

Conscious of this fact, I paid attention to Kingsley. I watched him while we were out with our group of friends and while we were at Church. He was still in focus while we were at my home or at his home. I deduced and I inferred. By the way, I started my scrutiny even before he asked me out.

I paid attention to how he related with his friends and the values of the ones he was closest to. My assumption was that he would most likely be like them. You know, birds of a feather….

I watched him worship. Was it superficial or heartfelt? Was he malleable in the hands of his Creator? This, to me, indicated whether I would have to spend a lot of energy engaging him to act or make a change or I could just leave the matter to God and know it would be sorted.

How do they treat family?

I once read that in later years, men tend to treat their wives the way they treat their mother and sisters so I observed how he interacted with his. I also watched how he related with my family members; they would eventually become his in-laws. I desired that a battle line would never be drawn between them with me having to take sides. I wanted both of us to feel at home whether we were with his family or with mine.

Can they help you in those important areas?

One day at Church, a couple we knew asked us to help them watch their kids as they had to attend a meeting. This was a fantastic opportunity for me to observe him around kids. He picked up the little one who was sleepy and we both managed to keep the other two happily engaged till their parents returned. ‘Excellent!’ I thought.  I wouldn’t have to do it all by myself then. Now, years later, he’s such an amazing father. The kids just love him and he’s such a great partner through the whole process of raising them.

Ask for divine help

It’s true that some people are masters at pretending and I hear some are so good that they could keep up appearances for a long time. So above all, in my dealings with people, I keep in mind the good advice given to a king several years ago – Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your path.


Husband material 2 – Intelligence 


Another item on my list was intelligence because I wanted to be completely understood by my spouse. For this reason, one of my goals was to ensure, before saying ‘Yes’ to a prospect, that we weren’t too far apart on the intelligence scale. For me, tall, dark and handsome wasn’t enough so I was on the lookout for brain matter. I believed there had to be more than just good looks to make a relationship work.

Avoid Shame in the Future

I had heard about a few embarrassing accounts that happened because of huge IQ gaps between couples and I didn’t want to experience such. If we were out with friends or colleagues, I wanted to be confident that he wouldn’t say anything to make me want to hide under a table in shame. I also wanted an excellent other perspective to issues I would deliberate and decide to share with my spouse.

Listen to Wise Counsel

A friend from school told me about an older man she was going out with. Her dad had warned her about this intelligence matter but she didn’t pay any attention until the day she heard something unpleasant and went to confront him about it. As she expressed herself, she said she wanted to hear from the horse’s mouth. ‘Are you calling me a horse?’ He blurted out in response. LOL. That marked the beginning of the end of that relationship.

Don’t Miss Out on Fact Finding Opportunities

In our circle of friends, we had a number of those discussions on burning issues and we were always on opposing sides. That gave me a chance to experience a different side of him. Critical reasoning, methodical evaluation, systematic analysis of the subject matter were easy for him, and it was simply beautiful. So I concluded that submission wouldn’t be such a problem since I would be giving in to a superior argument or a sensible alternative.

What Are the Indicators?

One time he shared his semester results with me and I couldn’t help but be please at his excellent performance. He checked out here as well. Great stuff! Husband material!

My Love Glasses

‘Love is blind, but marriage opens the eye’. That’s what my Social Studies teacher once said. He said many other things but this one has remained with me since. So from my teenage years, I told myself ‘my love must wear glasses’.

I knew this special ‘love glasses’ could not be prescribed by an optometrist so I came up with my own strategy for improving my sight in preparation for love’s arrival. What better way? INFORMATION! I read every good book I could find on relationships – Boy meets Girl, Finding the Love of your Life, and so on. I was better able to tell what attributes were good and needful and able to identify red flags. I was armed and ready for battle. Yes oh – it’s a serious battle for peace of mind and happiness in your future.

I wasn’t going to numb my brain just because some guy who was tall, dark and handsome said ‘hello’ to me. In fact, I didn’t want ‘dark’ because I couldn’t imagine giving birth to a dark baby. I wanted ‘a shade darker than my complexion’. Oh yes. I had my list; everything was written out clearly in my journal. I took time to define what I wanted before the time came to choose so that there would be no confusion there, and as I grew older and wiser, I revised that list. Things like ‘must have side burns’ were replaced by things like ‘must have the same or similar values’.

You know it is written ‘He that finds a wife finds a good thing…’ but that doesn’t mean the woman will blindly follow anyone who finds her. I kept my brain actively engaged. I learnt that there was no such thing as ‘Mr. Perfect’. You just have to know all the pros and cons, and then evaluate the cons to see if you can live with them for the rest of your life and still be cool. That helped in my decision making. I believe you see this requires careful study of the ‘subject’ or ‘prospect’. It’s actually some kind of science project.

Sometimes people rush into marriage for one reason or the other even when they have strong reservations. They fail to realize that they will probably have a long time to live with that person. I don’t agree with the idea of ‘managing’ a spouse. I mean, it’s not just about you. It’s about your children; that is if you plan to have them. Do you want your children to be like this person or have this person as a parent? Have you also thought about how this spouse will affect your plans and aspirations… or do you just plan to ship out when the going gets tough? They say time goes by quickly when you’re having fun. Imagine how it’ll be when you’re not.

Everybody says knowledge is power and we spend time empowering ourselves to have a successful career and so on… but people often neglect preparing for love. And that is serious because it can land you in a situation where you wake up sometime after the wedding, and according to my husband, you’ll find yourself wondering what you really did when you said ‘I DO’.

Don’t let your love be blind.

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